These days I’m living with unease. I have a terrible feeling about my life and the years yet to come. I worry like a captain who is sailing in dark, looking at the sea not knowing what to expect. Like a kid lost in the woods. Who doesn’t know how to sleep at night. I have gotten this feeling since I graduated from university of Moratuwa after finishing my masters. Out of thirty in my graduate school, only two were able to complete master in two years. I did my research well -not as I expected it to be, Because I expected to publish few papers at least- but any thing completed in 2020 is known to be an achievement. I should be happy though. hmm.. But I’m not. So I decided to look through my feelings, in and out. I’m trying to finding why I feel that way.

I’m not a jobless. I have a good job at a well known company and It was something I dreamed for years. After I quit my previous job at Dialog, It was a great leap that I was able to join MAS. I’m doing a fantastic job there for three years. Everything was very smooth until I set a goal to go in to space. To space?. Really?. Not physically go in to space by being an astronaut, but I wanted to join with the engineering teams which help humanity to go beyond earth. The last couple of words have stoles from Elon Musk. I always push my hurdles up, so I took this seriously. I started my masters without a clear view of what I’m going to do in the future but I did it quick as much as I could, so that I don’t have to be lagged in the time lines when I finish thinking about it.

If I go back in time to see what made my life to take such a decision, I am ended up in the rooftop of my grand mamas hose. My uncle built his own house attached to grand mamas house and he stopped it as a one-story building leaving me a good space to sped my nights open to the sky. I have spent there lot of times in my childhood gazing in to the starts. Once I made a telescope out of disposed bulbs and tubes and watched amazing views of Moon. Once I had a big telescope from our school which was good enough to track the Galilean moons and record the movements.

Galilean Moos of Jupiter from a telescope

Even my parents was wise enough to attend me and my sister to a summer camp at Arthur C Clarke Institute for Modern Technologies Sri Lanka. It was an amazing time even though we could not understand most of the material taught there. But I was able to grasp the knowledge about rockets, starts, space from the back to back lectures and workshops conducted through out 2 weeks. Even my school does not let me go away from astronomy. I tired up with our astronomy society where I need another post to write what an amazing kid I was back then. But as per my understanding, being an engineer would help me to drive in to any direction I wanted so I study hard.

Now I’m a graduated from my university as an Electrical and Electronics Engineer and I’m confident as an industrial guy by working at MAS three plus years. Mean time I did my Masters at UOM and having all in- hand now I’m thinking who would I be in my next 20 years of life. My answer to that question was that I would love to work on space industry. According to my initial background research on how be a space guy from where I am right now, I have to do a PhD in Aerospace Engineering related subject from US and join to one of the companies like SpaceX or some labs at NASA like JPL. It is possible if I get a chance to study one of the good graduate schools at US. But there is a big wall to climb up to gain the access I need. As I was not graduated with a class, the probability of accepting me for a Master of PhD is very less. But there I got an answer from my supervisor. I can extend my masters in to MPhil so that I can do publications in good conferences and journals. Which I can standout as a potential research student. It is a good plan and If I do it full time, I will be able to do a good job in that. So I decided to keep my current job as far as I can and do things together. Which is very hard. I will resign at a point where I feel I’m going to loose hopes on space due to my current job.

Dr. Sarath Gunapala

If I throw that idea I described in the previous chapter completely, I can be a very stable guy with a nice job and as a married person from next week onward. Where I can work 5 days per week, rest 2 other days and keep this routine until I retired at my 60s. But if so, I wonder what am I going to say to my kids some day. Can I ask them to be like daddy?. Can I ask them to study hard and go get the world. Because I studied hard and yet I cant get the world. My Dahapasala would like me to go there and teach kids. But I wonder what am I going to teach them. I can ask them to study hard and be an engineer and then what?. Be a slave worker or an entrepreneur?. Being am entrepreneur is okay but what should we built in this island. This island only need services and entertainment. If some one wants to stay in business and grow they have to choose either those fields. I’m not saying production cant be done here. Possible. But can I grow a business which does space related researches here in SL.

May be no one can get the definition of success as I mean it. But what I know is, the time has come. The time has come to fight for my dreams aggressively. If not, this time will never come in the future. I have to bring all the the adversity in to my side and fight for what I believe greatness. I will be in the hall of frame of space exploration some day.